Fatigue Neverending.

I just don't know how I do it sometimes.  Fall asleep, for one thing.  Every single one of my bipolar medications is supposed to make me sleepy.  What a joke.  I never fall asleep quickly at night.  Let me lay down in the middle of a work shift and I'll fall asleep within minutes!  It's weird.  I don't get it.  My body is tired, my soul is tired, my eyes are tired, my emotions are tired.  I don't think I'm necessarily going through a "phase" right now, I'm just fatigued all the time!  I honestly don't think it's due to my medications, but what do I know?  I'm not a doctor.  I know my body, though, and something is just off.

Yesterday I worked from 6 a.m. to what was supposed to be 2 p.m., but I had a headache and laid down "for a minute" at about noon.  That turned into me sleeping until 5 p.m.  I didn't even mean to fall asleep.  My joints ache all the time.  The sleep that I do get is nonrestorative.  I don't wake up feeling refreshed.  I wake up feeling like I need to drink a gallon of coffee.  My doctor restricted me to one cup a day, though, so that has been a joy.  Not.

Maybe I am falling into a slightly depressed mood now that I think about it.  I haven't showered in 4 days.  Gross, I know.  It's just too overwhelming.  That's another thing.  I've been getting way overstimulated lately and it causes me to snap at people.  I try my hardest to have a cheerful disposition, but when there is too much going on at once in my head it's like my brain explodes a little bit and comes out of my mouth in words.

I honestly feel like I'm just talking out of my ass right now, but I urgently felt the need to put some words down where they belong.  You may go on about your day now. <3

Two Years Later.

It's unbelievable how long I have neglected this blog.  That was never my intention.  I guess life just keeps getting in the way.  Or is that an excuse?  I swear I haven't been lazy about it or anything like that, just going through different struggles.  I think that maybe I felt like if I wrote anything, it would just make things harder or I would be judged by what I've been going through.  Imagine me saying that, the person who literally usually doesn't care what other people think of me.  I guess it all gets to us at some point or another.  Right now, I'm taking a break in work for a quick blog write and I'm sitting here drinking a foreign root beer to me named Bawls (I just totally inappropriately laughed at that as I just now said it out loud for the first time) and just noticed the warning on the top of the cap that says "high caffeine soda".  I'm also eating Reese's peanut butter cups.  The lunch of champions.  I'm either going to end up with a very bad stomachache or just jittery and super awake.  Either way, maybe it'll get me through the last hour and a half of my work shift.  I promise I will update and write a more specific blog later.  Maybe or maybe not later today, but definitely.