A Yard In My Shoes.

I don't even challenge you to a mile. Just a yard. That's as far as it would take to walk through part of my life story before you realize you have no right to judge me. You don't really have a right, anyway, but I'm just saying. Unless you live in another persons skin, don't pretend to even remotely know how they feel, what they are going through, or why they make the decisions they make.

I've been getting a lot of crap lately because I am going on vacation tomorrow, for 10 days. Yes, that's right. I'm leaving the state, taking 2 of my children with me, and taking off with my best friend and her 2 kids for 10 beautiful days in New England. Yes, I'm still essentially homeless, as I'm still sleeping on my best friend's floor. Yes, I'm struggling. Yes, I barely have enough money to even DO this, short a little actually since bringing my 2 kids was a pretty last minute God-thing, and it will definitely be completely gone by the time I get back. So, yes, I will be starting over saving for a place to live when I get back.

Some of the things that have been said to me:
You have no priorities.
I can't believe you would take a vacation at a time like this.
You deserve what you get if you are going to abandon your responsibilities.

Let me make a few things VERY CLEAR:
My priorities are very straight. God comes first, my family comes next, everything else comes after that. My children are my world. I haven't been able to take them anywhere with me for YEARS and you don't have a clue how much this means to any of us, much less what a healing opportunity it is for our relationships.
"A time like this" is every day for me right now. My situation is still going to be my situation in 10 days. It will not have changed. I will still be moving forward.
I am abandoning nothing. Thank you. I am responsible for every decision I make, and although I also have to deal with the consequences of those decisions, the good far outweighs what I will consider "bad" in this situation. I do deserve what I get. I deserve to have my children with me for 10 days. I deserve the time we will get to spend with each other. I deserve to get away from the hell that is my life right now and just go and be free for a brief amount of time, because believe me... 10 days is brief.  I deserve some happiness.  I deserve to thrive, not just survive.  I deserve to experience some of the things that many other people simply take for granted... like a vacation. So many people just go on about their days and don't give a single thought to those of us that only have opportunities like this come around on rare occasions.

A VERY BRIEF VIDEO OF ME FEATURED ON HOMELESS AND HUNGRY - CLICK HERE

What you don't realize, may never understand, or think it doesn't matter:
This vacation has been planned for a year. In other words, tickets were bought, arrangements made, minds made up, WAY before I became homeless again; nor did I think I was ever facing homelessness again at the time most of the decisions were made for this trip. The only thing that happened AFTER becoming homeless again was finding out that 2 of my children were going to be able to accompany me. If you have any idea whatsoever what my life has been like for the past 10 years, you would completely understand why I AM DOING THIS. I AM taking those 2 children, I AM going on vacation with them, and I AM going to have the time of my life!
We need this time together. We need this experience. If there is anything at all I have learned, it is that opportunity may only come once in a lifetime. That means I may only have this one chance to do this. That means if I wait, it may not come again. It isn't being negative, it's being REAL. It makes me think of Eminem's song...

We have been through a lot. I could never explain all of it to you, no matter how many hours I had. You'll have to read the book when I finally write it. Please don't judge me for that. If anything, be willing to helping with the little bit I'm short now that a miracle has happened and I DO get to take 2 of my kids. You can check out part of my story at HELP BARBARA COMPLETELY START OVER! -CLICK HERE and donate what you would normally pay for a single meal at McDonalds or a cup of coffee, and help me make sure we can eat whenever we need to, get the hotel room for the one night we need one (the rest of our nights are taken care of). 

What is this experience I keep speaking of? A big part of it is called SoulFest. If you'd like to see all about it, just go to SOULFEST - CLICK HERE. We will be spending 3 of our days on the side of a mountain at one of the biggest Christian music festivals in the U.S.  It's a time for bonding with each other through our faith, a time of reflection upon life, a time of enjoying the music of the people we love listening to so much on our radios or CDs, a time of family and fellowship, but most of all, a time for healing, refreshment and nourishing of our souls, and our relationships with one another. We not only get 3 days full of concerts, we also get to meet the artists, go to workshops, lay in the sun, enjoy creation, and hopefully put our troubles behind us, if only for the moment.  Because my kids will be with me, my best friend and I (we wouldn't be able to do this without her driving) are also traveling a little extra and going to 2 places that even I haven't been. We get to share "first experiences" together. My oldest daughter, the one I am taking, was also born legally blind, and this is something she has always wanted to do, and NYC is a place she has always wanted to see. If I am able to make that happen as a parent of a child who has proven her strength her ENTIRE LIFE, I'm going to do it. She deserves it. My youngest son, the one I am taking, has a heart of gold, has supported me through my mistakes, and has more passion and excitement about things in his pinky finger than I've seen in an entire grown adult. If I am able to let him experience the festival he so badly wants to experience as a parent of a child who has been told he is "too hyper" to go on church group outings, I'm going to do it.

Day 1 and 2: Driving from Florida to Maine.

Day 3: Beach in Maine.
Day 4, 5, and 6: SoulFest in New Hampshire.
Day 7: Whatever we want.
Day 8: Carlo's Bakery (Cake Boss) in New Jersey, and Central Park in New York City.
Day 9 and 10: Driving from New York to Florida.

When we get back, they go back to their dad's and I start working my butt off again. I WILL make it and I WILL get back on my feet. And just because I'm doing this, does not mean I am shirking any responsibility, nor do I believe I am making a mistake.

The only mistake I could ever make right now is to NOT go. 

You can help by donating a little... you can prayer for us... or you can groan and moan and complain.  Just remember, I care not about the latter. Because this is my life, and you will NEVER understand any of it unless you've lived it yourself. 

Before you judge me:

Have your dad abandon you when you were a baby.
Have your mother give you away when you are a small child.
Have your step-grandfather molest you and your grandmother not believe you.
Be ripped out of home after home.
Go through two very different, but still failed marriages, and then a third long-term relationship-supposed-to-be-marriage that left you in the dust.
Get beat up physically.
Get torn down emotionally.
Lose everything.

Become homeless.

Lose your integrity and humanity.
Beat cancer, struggle through illnesses, only to find out you might be really sick again and can't get the medical care that you need.
Skip from home to home, tree to tree, life to life.
Make huge mistakes and then try and make up for them, realizing you can't because the world is that unforgiving.
Make it to where you are unable to spend a lot of time, if any, with your children, and then when the time FINALLY comes where you can take 2 of them.... tell me that no matter what, you wouldn't take it.

Walk a yard in my shoes; if they fit.

If tomorrow never comes....................................................