OCD Humor. Because I Can.

For all of you musical theatre fans, let me just start with a little song that was anonymously sent in to an OCD board that was written to the tune of "Oh, What A Beautiful Morning!" from the musical "OKLAHOMA!"


There's a bright golden spill on the toilet,
Should I mop it, or scour it, or boil it?
And how many times more must I check the front door?
And can I get AIDS from that stain on the floor? (NO!)


Oh, What an OCD morning!
Oh, What an OCD day!
I've got that OCD feeling!
I will be checking all day!


Ten o'clock and the tension is mounting,
Pretty soon I just know I'll start counting.
Then it's shower time -- hurray!
And I'm scrubbing all day!
And with no help in sight I'll be finished next May!


Oh, what an OCD morning!
Oh, what an OCD day!
I've got that OCD feeling!
Washing is here to stay!


That about sums up what it is like sometimes to have obsessive-compulsive disorder. Constantly checking things, checking them again, counting in your head (to what, you don't know), making repetitive movements as if you just HAVE to do it or all will not be right in the world.


One of my favorite OCD quotes of all time:


"Having OCD is like being allergic to life - every waking moment is spent in a state of mental hyper-sensitivity."


How true, how true. If I actually think hard about one more thing today I might actually have a small brain explosion.


When I was 10 years old, I was so particular about the way I had my room that I could not allow my sister in it.  If anything got moved out of place or messed up I would literally freak out.  My books had to be all lined up and even with each other.  If one of them got bumped back I would not be able to continue on through my day until I went and fixed it.  My ex-husband used to walk by and bump my books just to humor himself in watching me get unnerved about it. (See post about narcissism in the future some time. :/)  That's just mean, guys.  I also had to play games a certain way.  If you didn't follow the directions or if the stack of cards got knocked over or was messy, I could not play games with you any longer. I still have an issue with cards.  I can't help it.  If you don't like someone constantly fixing the deck of cards in a card game, DO NOT play cards with me because I will drive you nuts.  If I smudged my homework or messed up when I was writing with a pen and could not erase it, I would start over with a fresh piece of paper because I could not bring myself to hand in a piece of paper with a cross-out line in it.  Sad as it is to report, I still do this when writing letters.  You will very seldom receive a handwritten letter from me that is too much less than perfect.  I don't scribble or cross things out, I just can't.  Thank God for the backspace key on computers.
I am proud to say that the older I have gotten and the fact that I have 4 kids now (now THAT is a major challenge for someone with OCD), that there are a few things that I've gotten better at.  For some reason, I can just sense that several people are going to laugh endlessly when they read that comment and insist on me pointing out what those "things" are.  But anyway, bite me, okay?

I'm sure you are dying of curiosity, what exactly are my issues that I deal with in having OCD; what are my quirks in this disorder; the things that I absolutely have to do; the things I pay excessive attention to.  I would ask you not to laugh, but I laugh at myself, so it's okay.  Laugh away.

I have to check several times to make sure that the stove is off after I have cooked, even if I specifically remember turning it off.

I check 2 or 3 times to make sure a house door or car door is locked before I walk away.

I will look in my purse for my keys or other items that I need to have at least 20 times throughout the day, even if I just looked in there no more than 5 minutes ago. Seriously. It's becoming a problem.

If I am going to a new place, I usually stress about the location and fear of getting lost, and sometimes will even go and scope out the way to said area way before I am scheduled to go there, just to ensure that when it is indeed time to go, that I know where I am going.

I have a hard time picking up the phone and calling people I do not know, including just to ask directions somewhere, ask for a price on something, or find out if that apartment is still available. I am actually unable to do this sometimes and cannot force myself to even pick up the phone, much less dial the number.  This is very frustrating.  I think this might have more to do with bipolar disorder, but I'm not sure.

If someone is scratching or rubbing my back, doing my hair, doing my nails, or anything that involves touching me, what is done to one side of the body has to be evened out with the other side of the body.  I know this sounds really weird, but there is no other way to explain it, okay?  Please do not scratch the left side of my back if you do not intend on scratching the right side. You will throw off my whole equilibrium and I will be very anxious for the remainder of the day.

I have certain tapping rhythms and motions that I go through with my fingers and hands.  I can't explain them any further than that.  Sometimes I have to repeat these rhythms or motions over and over again until my brain tells me that that was good enough and allows me to stop. Sometimes I think I have a tic, but I'm not really sure because it isn't visible to the naked eye.  That statement just makes me laugh.

I crack my knuckles incessantly.  My fingers, hands, wrists, toes, ankles, neck and back.  I CANNOT STOP SO PLEASE STOP ASKING ME TO.

I count stairs as I go up and down them.  I don't get stressed out on escalators, but whenever I get into an elevator I have to push the appropriate button for my floor, even if someone else has gone ahead and pushed it.  In addition, I have to push the "door close" button continuously until the doors to the elevator actually do close.  Yes, I am very aware that this does not make them close any quicker.  That does not, however, mean that I can stop doing it.

I get stressed out by waffles. I have to have equal amounts of syrup in each pocket of the waffle, and have to cut the waffles into equal sized pieces. Round waffles are especially stressful.

When I eat french fries I do not dump my ketchup out of the packets onto the tray and dip my fries.  I tear off the corner of the ketchup packet and as I pick up each individual fry to eat it, I run a line of ketchup along the entire length of the fry and then eat the fry.  My ex-husband especially hated this particular habit.

I sort my M&Ms by color before eating them, although I've actually seen a lot of people do this so I'm not sure it's constituted as an OCD thing.  My oldest son does this all the time and.......... hmmm.

I use only plastic hangers.  I am not as bad as Joan Crawford and Mommie Dearest ("No more wire hangers!!!"), but you will not find a wire hanger in my closet unless someone else put it there. Please don't get any ideas, either.

I have a problem with rolls of stamps. If you put them in the dispenser, when you pull one off with your right hand, it is upside down. They are apparently made for left-handers. When I told a friend that I have to reroll my stamps so they dispense properly, he noted that all I had to do was turn the envelopes upside-down, so the stamps would be right-side-up. Obviously, he just doesn't understand.

My movies and CDs are arranged alphabetically.  I'm serious.  So are my books.

I HAVE to wash off and wipe out the top of any soda can I am going to drink out of, as well as canned goods from the grocery store.

I wash my hands... a lot. Antibacterial is not just a word to me, it's a family name. Germs are everywhere, don't you know that??

My pictures on the wall have to be straight and if I happen to notice a crooked one, then I will stop whatever it is I am doing just to go fix that picture.  I do not really see this as a problem, but apparently one of my friends did once when I left her standing in the kitchen holding a pot of steaming spaghetti while waiting for me to get the colander.  I was getting it, but just as I opened the cabinet door I saw the picture.  Priorities, you know?

That is only the beginning of my OCD riddled life, but if I do not stop typing right now, I won't be able to get back to work and will be on my break forever, and the thought of work will not get out of my head and leave me alone and I just might have a total nervous breakdown right here in front of my computer. (Deep breath.)


I'm not going to do what all of you think I'm going to do, which is just flip out.. sorry, had a Jerry McGuire moment.  Don't ask.  But for those of you that keep stealing pictures and quotes from my social media that are actually MINE (like, as in, I took the picture or I said the words, and you don't credit me), please stop stealing things from my profile.  Get a brain cell somewhere or go buy a vowel, and get your own stuff.  Buy a camera.  Get a life.  Anything.

And for the love of God.... learn to use Google. I am not a human search engine.