The Reasons.

My last blog, What Did You Say? 
100 Thing Never Say To A Person With Bipolar Disorder (or any mental illness, for that matter)
(+7 bonus, just for added measure)

I promised I would follow up on why these are specifically not what you say, or perhaps just educate you a tiny bit.

The term "we" used below simply indicates those of us that have the mental disorder of bipolar, along with anyone who has any other mental illness (i.e. depression, anxiety, personality disorders, schizophrenia, etc.).

I'm not going to touch on every single one of them. Some of them are similar and/or superfluous. I will touch on the most common...

...and the most ignorant.

Actually, all of them are ignorant, so disregard that last part. If you want to read the entire list, please refer to my previous blog.

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THESE THINGS TO SOMEONE WHO HAS BIPOLAR DISORDER, ETC.

1. You don't care about anyone but yourself.
Actually, if you had any idea what you were talking about, you would know that the majority of people who struggle with mental illness really have a hard time caring about themselves at all. It is a wrestle to love ourselves and the learning process of self-care is a very long journey. So, please; don't trigger someone into feeling even more worthless by letting this garbage come out of your mouth.

3. You know, you are your own worst enemy.
Actually, my mental illness is my worst enemy. I am not my mental illness. I HAVE bipolar disorder. I am NOT bipolar disorder.

4. You are really dragging me down with you.
If it isn't uplifting or encourage, don't freaking say it. We feel bad enough about ourselves without your help.

9. This too shall pass.
Not really. Education much? There is no cure for mental illness. We can be stabilized and go on to live fairly productive and successful lives if adequately treated by all resources available; but we cannot be "fixed." But thanks for your input. 

11. This is life. You'd better get used to it.
Our definition of "life" is apparently differently than yours. Would you walk up to a cancer patient and say, "this is life, you'd better get used to it."? If so, you're an ass. This is no different, whether you want to believe that or not.

13. Snap out of it.
LOL. If it were that easy, none of us would struggle with mental illness. Just sayin'. Wow, a world with no depressed people or suicides! Wouldn't that be just majestic?

14. You are going to lose friends if you keep acting this way.
If I lose friends because of bipolar disorder, they were not my friends to begin with. Also, saying this makes it that much harder to deal with the attached stigma already associated with mental illness, in turn making it harder to reach out to people.

18. I know how you feel.
No, you don't.

19. A lot of people have it worse than you do.
And a lot of people have it better than I do. Stop minimizing, patronizing, and invalidating how we feel. It does not matter who has it "worse" in your eyes. What we feel is what we feel, and sometimes that is not something that can be controlled. It isn't always based on circumstance.

21. It's all in your head. (also see, I don't believe in mental illness)
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/bipolar-disorder-in-adults/index.shtml

26. Why can't you just be normal?
If the definition of being normal means being like you, I don't want to be.

32. Are you taking your medication?
First of all, you have no right to ask me that question. Second, it is demeaning because by asking that question you are insinuating that I am not allowed to feel regular human emotions. This questions usually pops up during episodes of crying, being sad, being very happy, being excited, and/or being passionate about something. Just because I am showing my emotions does not mean I am having a depressive or manic episode, and the quicker people get that through their heads, the easier it will become for people like me to actually feel okay to express those emotions rather than feel like we need to carry everything inside all the time in fear of being stigmatized.

36. Stop trying to get attention.
If you only knew how much attention we DON'T want. The attention is inevitable because of ignorance. Also, some of us like to bring awareness to the subject so we can get rid of stigma, as well as share our stories in order to try and help other people. Don't confuse it for attention-seeking.

37. You really need to grow up.
If you say this, it is probably you that need to grow up.

42. You are nothing about drama.
I'm sorry that my emotions make you so uncomfortable. Actually, I'm not. It's usually people that have trouble expressing their emotions that make this statement. There is a difference between "drama" and "mental illness." Drama usually infers that there is acting involved or an intentional stirring up of the peace that surrounds. There is no acting, nor is there anything intentional about the way we feel. So please... just stop.

44. Everybody has mood swings.
Oh, honey.. these are so much more than mood swings. It's called a chemical imbalance. Do not try to equate me to yourself.

47. You're not trying.
I'm trying more than you will ever be capable of understanding, but thank you for making me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job. I think I might just try harder to give up now.

48. You'll never be capable of a relationship.
We are more than capable of having successful, lasting, loving relationships. We just happen to need partners that are understanding, willing to educate themselves, have a lot of compassion, and actually love for the right reasons. Really, that should be every relationship, but hey, what do I know? I have bipolar disorder.

49. Just get a job.
It is simply not that easy for some with mental illness. Your statement is ignorant. Just get an education and please see the definition of "debilitating." Thank you.

52. Don't you want to get better?
No. I want to be like this forever. Is this a serious question??

55. Just pray about it.
I do. Every. Single. Day. My faith is not less just because I have a mental illness. This is not my fault. God is not punishing me. I honestly believe he allows his strongest, whether they know their strength or not, to have the most enervating troubles or illnesses in life. At least, I have seen the strongest I've ever seen come through them. Do not assume that just because we are having trouble from time to time dealing with how we feel or act, that we are not praying. It's not that simple and goes much deeper.

60. You create your own reality.
This is where I'd like to punch someone. Never in a million years would I ever have created this "reality" for myself. EVER. If I could create my own reality, I would be jumping down into a rabbit hole right now, running off to have a spot of tea with the Mad Hatter, because honestly I'd be happier there than I ever would be here.

61. You don't look sick.
Most people with mental illness don't. Please Google "invisible illnesses." Thank you.

70. You aren't disabled.
If there were a way for you to live inside my body and mind for 24 hours, I'd beg you to do it. you would never, ever make this statement again. Not all disabilities can be seen. Tell this to the person who has post-traumatic stress disorder, like myself, when they come across something that triggers them into remembering whatever happened to cause them to have post-traumatic stress disorder in the first place. I can't even find the words to describe how disabling that is. 

78. Feeling sorry for ourselves, are we?
Only when around people like you.

88. You really don't need all those medications.
Firstly, thank you for making me feel ashamed because I'm on medication. Secondly, are you a psychiatrist? Thirdly, would you like to see me off my medication? I don't think so.

90. If you loved me, you wouldn't act this way.
This is one of the most horrible things I have ever heard. It has absolutely nothing to do with you, so don't make it about you. Bipolar disorder has attributes that are difficult, if not impossible, to control at times. If we could control our emotions and actions as easily as you say you can control yours by "choice," we would. We wouldn't be bipolar. Don't ever imply I don't love you because of my mental illness.

92. You are just being lazy.
Please Google "physical symptoms of bipolar disorder and depression." I really don't even have time for this very stupid statement. I hate that I even acknowledged it.

99. Why do you always have to play the victim?
If I were to be completely honest about this one, I would say we play nothing. We don't want to be victims. We want to be survivors. But truth be told, people who do not understand mental illness MAKE us the victims. They project that identity onto us, whether we want it or not. Also, truth be told, we are victims quite a bit... of stigma. Greater than all, however, we are survivors. Survivors of your expectations and condemnation.

104. The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle.
You left a part out. The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle WITH HIS HELP OR THE HELP OF OTHERS. We cannot handle this alone. We cannot struggle alone. We are not alone in our struggles. That's why we have each other. So, I beg to differ.

107. Here's my advice...
Unless you are my therapist, psychiatrist, or medical doctor, I do not want your advice unless I ask for it. You are not qualified to give me advice. You have no idea what I'm going through, what my story is, what my illness(es) is, what it is like, how to deal with it, what to say, how to avoid triggering me, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc... just don't. Don't give unsolicited advice. EVER.